"Life Doesn't Always Turn Out the Way You Planned"

As an educator, the most important quality one most possess is flexibility.  Each day in the classroom is unpredictable and no matter what lesson plans are finalized, teachers usually have to go with Plan B, C, or D.  This characteristic is also essential to everyday life and I have quickly learned this as a new mother during the first year of my sweet little girl's life.  All of my original plans changed, even before she entered the world.

One of my favorite movies is While You Were Sleeping starring Bill Pullman and Sandra Bullock.  The quote that starts and ends the movie is "Life doesn't always turn out the way you planned."  These words continue to resonate with me through all life's transitions and changes, both planned and unplanned.

I am writing this blog exactly one year ago to the hour when I first experienced my first contractions. So to make this a more reader friendly blog post, I decided to start each thought with what I had planned, but then how life decided differently.

Happy 1st Birthday Emma Reese!

Newborn

Laura Ingram

Laura Ingram Photography, Southern Pines, NC

3 Months Old

Deanne Kryzalka

eyeCapture Moments Photography, Charlotte, NC

6 Months Old

Farah Hausser

Fields of Grace Photography, Pinehurst, NC

9 Months Old

Brian Carter

Carter Photography, Ocracoke, NC

12 Months Old

Portrait Innovations, Cary, NC

What an exciting journey this year has been and the days have flown by way too quickly!

I planned on never being a mother and had even spoken to my doctor about a procedure to ensure this would never happen.  However, God knew the unconditional love I needed to feel as a mommy and He knew you belonged to me.  I will never forget how my heart raced when I saw the first ultrasound of the little "froggy" on the screen.

I planned the nursery in trains, boats, and planes with a "traveling across NC theme" (such a teacher nerd) because I knew you were going to be a boy.  Grammy was still convinced the heart rate indicated the gender of the baby (even though her doctors were both wrong when they said your Aunt Beth and I were boys), so she predicted a girl because of your fast heart beat.  My strong intuitions are usually right so I wore light blue the day of our gender reveal ultrasound.  Your daddy wore pink because he wanted another princess.  Yeah, he was right---again.

I planned to attend classes at the hospital to learn about everything to prepare for child birth, but did not even schedule an appointment. So I depended on books, other friends' advice, and Aunt Bethy's experience with Lelia Kate.  I was completely fine throughout the entire pregnancy and the child birth process.  I might need some extra advice on the child rearing now though.

I planned to not gain more than 25 pounds when I was pregnant, but I gained 40.  Thank goodness for my long torso because it wasn't as obvious.  Those pounds were lost within 2-3 months and I was back in my regular clothes by the spring (nursing is awesome for burning calories)!

I planned to have a C-section because I knew delivery would be way too difficult for my pain tolerance and my body.  However, I made it through 12 hours of labor and only needed an epidural the last three hours.  The delivery was quick and I felt wonderful that same day.

I planned to try nursing because I wasn't sure breastfeeding was for me, but that instant bond between us made the first year even more wonderful.  I set my goal for every 3 months, and feel proud to have been a nursing mom for a year.

I planned to keep everything sanitized and not allow too many people in the house for visits that first month.  As always, the flu and cold season had been rough.  But, I think you remained healthier because of all the friends and family who embraced you those first few weeks with their loving arms.  We have the pictures to prove how much you are loved by everyone!

I planned to always have errands and outings always organized, but that quickly changed after our first doctor appointment (you were 2 days old), when I barely remembered your diaper bag.  I feel accomplished if I can take a grocery store trip in less than 2 hours with you.

I planned to write down every little thing you did, and you will notice in your first year calendar that each day is filled with an event from January 31st-April 21st.  But, Mommy went back to work on April 22nd and realized even more that teacher and mom responsibilities required a major balancing act.  I am still trying to catch up on the last three months on your calendar.

I planned to record you almost everyday through pictures and videos.  Your daddy even bought a new video recorder.  But I have found the best movies of you remain in my fondest, vivid memories.  I cannot wait to tell you those stories.  I learned that the actual moment is more special that trying to catch the moment.  This was proven true when we missed you taking the first three steps on video.  Your daddy and I still talk about that surprising moment when we were both watching your little feet.

I planned to have you on a strict schedule for feeding, playing, and sleeping.  You were going to eat every 3 hours, play when you woke up, and then sleep after playing.  I also planned that you were going to be sleeping in your own room in your own crib.  That idea was instantly out the window when you would reverse the order of play, sleep, eat and you never slept in your crib (ironically you loved your car seat).  You now stay safe in our big family bed on my side.  Trust me, I read every article about co-sleeping and SIDS, but you have belonged beside your mommy and daddy the last few months.  We will get creative this year with our next sleeping arrangements.

I planned to have the most memorable first Christmas celebration, but instead all of us were struggling with a virus that did not leave until days later.  Luckily, you and daddy felt great, and I think you still had fun over the holidays.

I plan to be the most understanding and patient mother in the world, but I know there will be days I am none of these things, so I am apologizing now.

You probably already understand that your mother is definitely a Type A personality, working diligently to try and keep the world around her organized.  However, motherhood has reminded me that life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.  So, this next year, we will continue to have plans, but the most exciting parts will be the "however's" when the plans seem to change.

In the Stars

We have all been intrigued with understanding our personality traits by "reading the stars."  Our Zodiac signs have been studied by astrologers for thousands of years and these concepts are taught in science curriculum.  I will admit to reading my daily horoscope to compare and contrast the happenings of my real and predicted day.  No, I do not consider myself a "witch."  Most of the readings become huge coincidences and probably can be applied to any individual.  However, after discussions with a colleague over the last few years, she led me to believe that the sun, moon, and universe do control our actions and possibly affect our decisions.  Now I have an excuse of why I get along better with certain people---because of their birthdays.  The first thing I did when returning to my classroom was looking at my students' birthdays to have a general idea of their unique personalities.  Usually it would prove to be true.

Of course I immediately contacted my friend when we discovered that Emma Reese was due on February 2nd.  She shook her head and smiled.  She told me this was the best thing for a Virgo mother.  My little Aquarius would be in constant conflict with me because of her free spirit and brilliant intelligence.  She would explore the world with open arms not hesitating to be herself.  In other words, she would do what she wanted!  I was reminded to be patient to allow this creativity to be expressed because she would thrive on this energy.  My immediate response was not positive and even hoped that my daughter could be born two weeks early to be a Capricorn...ha!  Today is January 19th, the last day before the signs rotate, and I am excited about my "different drummer".  

Here is the description of Aquarian babies (taken from BabyCenter website).

A Different Drummer

"Marching to the beat of his own drummer" describes your Aquarius child to a T. This little one is offbeat to the core and will surprise you repeatedly with his inventiveness and originality. 

Aquarius children are quite social and tend to have lots of friends, and the more widely diverse their play buddies' backgrounds and cultures, the better. 

Aquarius children are attracted to diversity and new experiences. Your little Aquarius might like unusual foods that other kids won't even try -- think hot peppers, strong cheeses, raw oysters, and the like -- or he might spend hours in his room, inventing something technical, functional, and all-around incredible.

Pursuing their own freedom and individuality is among their primary needs, so as the parent of an Aquarius child, you should give him plenty of space and autonomy. If they aren't allowed to express themselves as they see fit, Aquarius children can become rebellious or, alternatively, stubborn and quietly depressed. 

Let your child dress himself as early as he can, and give him plenty of books, art supplies, and other tools to foster his unique creativity. Aquarius children tend to be quite intelligent. They're naturally progressive in their thinking and their perspective on the world, so they might become excellent problem solvers. 

Your Aquarius child may surprise you with his interests and life choices, but if you can stay open to the ways his mind works, you're likely to find he's a genius in his own right. These children just need time to find the best way of expressing their brilliance.

I also located a compatibility test from the same website that indicates how parents and children will respond to one another according to their signs:

Stimulating Brilliance

Virgo

Aquarius

Your parental instinct is to guide your child with a firm, careful hand, but your little Aquarius needs plenty of freedom to explore. A born inventor and innovator, she's naturally curious and independent, attracted to unique people and out-there ideas. You're much more practical than that: You're all about efficiency and functionality, and for you, the bottom line is whether something works. 

You might want to save your Aquarius child time and trouble by stepping in and guiding her explorations, but it will be a lot better to let her test things out for herself, even if she heads down some dead-end streets before finding the right direction. Above all, try not to criticize her mistakes too much. This little one isn't particularly sensitive, but making mistakes is part of her trial-and-error learning process. She's a genius at heart, and affording her this independence stimulates her brilliance. 

What's in a name?

Most would agree that one of the most important decisions in any future parent's journey is deciding on a name for the child who will enter the world in nine short months.  Names define individuals and carry specific meanings.

Throughout my childhood, my sister and I had every Barbie and baby doll named with the recent popular name--our favorites included Courtney, Kristen, and Samantha (we loved calling her "Sam" for short).  Most young girls already have names selected years before time for motherhood.  If you ask a teacher about name selection, it is humorous how this becomes a difficult task because certain names depict certain reputations and that name will never be forgotten for numerous reasons.  My college girlfriends also keep an interesting name list that makes us question what parents were thinking when naming their children.  This list allowed me to share my pregnancy news with all of them when adding a new name to the list.

I value family history and wanted to start our name search from the individuals who made a difference in our own backgrounds.   I actually pulled out the family tree that I created in the 5th grade and communicated with my mom and dad about these names.  The name that I have always loved is the middle name of my grandfather, Theron Reece Caviness.  I knew Reece could be a name for a girl or a boy, with the spellings altered according to the gender.  I wanted to share stories with my child about this hardworking man who had influenced the Highfalls/Howard's Mill communities and his family through his faith and integrity.  It was exciting to share the name possibility with my Papaw and he was one of the first people I told about our surprise pregnancy.  My dad recently wrote about his father in a local newspaper during Father's Day that emphasizes such a great man.

You will not find my dad’s picture on the front of Time magazine or his name listed as CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but he, like every other man, plays the hand he is dealt at birth. If a difficult hand is dealt, the player has two choices, to give up or strive giving maximum effort to achieve what he can become.

My dad, Theron Caviness, chose the latter and has been able to accomplish many milestones that many have attempted and failed. Raised in an era when times were hard and money was scarce on a farm near Howard’s Mill in Moore County allowed him to appreciate the good Earth.

Everything prepared on the kitchen table came from the land, from the milk they drank, wheat for bread, to the molasses that was used as sugar to make cakes and pies. Determination and pure grit with faith in God were the factors that allowed individuals during that time to survive.

From my dad’s teenage years to the present, he has believed that God’s purpose for man on Earth was to help his fellow man. Throughout my life, I have seen my dad lend a helping hand to many people that were elderly, sick, or those down on their luck. This not only included close relatives, but many families living in and out of the realms of our neighborhood. My dad was very gifted and indeed a Renaissance man who could do anything with his hands. This allowed him to do any task that many simply did not have the ability or generosity to perform. Billy Graham once said that the word love means nothing unless it is accompanied with a kind act. Everyone that knows my dad can attest that he respects people and he shows it.

Alton, also very involved with genealogy, provided a name list as well.  Alton's oldest daughter was named after his mother, Vera.  This pre-teenage young lady loves carrying on the name of such a respectful woman who lived her entire life on Ocracoke Island.  We walked through his family cemetery and studied the names and messages carefully.  Holloway was a possible boy's name after listening to the story of how this young Confederate soldier was captured during the Civil War.  He never returned to his island home dying in a New York prison.  During our walk to the family cemetery, I noticed the cottage located on the family property--Emma Ballance Cottage.  This was Alton's paternal grandmother who was a native of the island who had raised seven children.  After talking with the oldest resident on the island, Ms. Blanche, she said that Emma Ballance was just a wonderful person, period.  She was usually quiet, but valued her time with family on the island.  I hope to learn more about this woman in the upcoming months because it will be interesting to notice the traits of our own daughter from her great-grandparents.

After much research and discussions, Alton and I decided that Emma Reese was the perfect name for our little girl.  Even calling her both names (yes, we love the southern two name idea) had an easy flow and a reading teacher even said the vowels and syllables complimented each other-thanks Cindi!  Our closest family and friends have embroidered her name on blankets, book bags, and wall decorations and I love seeing her name in print.

Emma Reese will grow up very proud of the origin of her name and hopefully find it somewhat easy to write it during the first days of kindergarten.  Emma Reese will definitely provide her own meaning to this name.

Groundhog's Day

Groundhog’s Day

We are all ready for cooler weather after a scorching hot summer and I am especially waiting for the fall temperatures.   This past winter was unusually mild, which might explain the three digit readings on our thermometers the last few months.  With pumpkin spice and the autumn colors on our minds, we are obviously not even thinking about the winter.  And definitely not about what the groundhog will predict for the duration of the next winter season.

Groundhog’s Day has a different meaning for me this year.  No, I am not thinking about the movie that stars Bill Murray when he relives the same day over and over again.  Nor am I am thinking about the event in Philadelphia where a furry creature is highlighted for leaving or staying in his burrow to determine another six weeks of winter.  February 2^nd has become a day that has been embedded in my mind since June.  Groundhog’s Day is not symbolic for people’s lives, but with mine at this moment, it questions if I will stay burrowed in my hole for the next 4 months hidden from the world or will I emerge to see the sunshine.  February 2^nd, instead of following the groundhog’s shadow, I will focus on my daughter entering the world.

 

I did not expect motherhood to be in my future.  My friends and family knew Trisha would be the woman devoted to her career, traveling, and continuing to serve others in the teaching profession.  Yes, I am a dedicated educator who loves being with young people, but being a parent is a completely different experience, a challenging experience.  After watching my younger sister and friends become parents the last few years, I became even more amazed at how moms and dads are able to balance so many responsibilities (and still stay somewhat sane).  I could not imagine losing my peaceful hours of sleep each night and spending an entire hour preparing for a trip to the grocery store.  I would not have the energy to go to soccer games and piano practice after exerting all of my energy during a busy school day.  Then worrying about what decisions the child would make in middle and high school.  So it was evident that my mind was made up---no children. 

She is already talking with her hands!

It is crazy how my decision quickly changed when seeing a little being on the ultrasound screen.   Hearing her heartbeat left me speechless.  There has never been a more powerful moment than seeing her little hand waving during the last doctor visit (she has her daddy’s skinny fingers).  Another exciting moment was revealing the surprise of a boy or girl when my 2-year old niece opened the package in front of my entire family.  We all shrieked with excitement when Lelia Kate held up the pink fleece jumpsuit.  My intuition was a boy, so wearing blue, I was completely shocked that it was a little girl.

 

She will become my best friend to hopefully mirror the same close relationship between my own mother and me.  She will consider her older cousin to be a role model and they will grow up playing with Barbies and taking care of each other just like their mothers did during their childhood.   She will be a technology native only a few days old to skype with her older sister who lives so many miles away.  She will be another princess in her daddy’s life and will have her grandfather wrapped around her little finger. 

Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.  Sometimes surprises become the best blessings and we must accept that the unexpected plans become our destiny.   All of us have our own stories of the surprises that eventually define us.  The news of this little girl deserves to be celebrated and not hidden.  So I am emerging from my burrow to become prepared for the sleepless nights, soccer games, and teenage drama.  I will see the sunshine and I am tickled pink.